Let's.

You and me.  Let's go climb a mountain.  Let's go play in a freezing cold stream with mossy rocks on the bottom on a hot summer's day.  Let's explore a city with artists and lovers and sky scrapers and geese.  Let's find an old village in a distant country and commune with the people.  Let's walk through tall grass.  Let's feel the air and hear the ocean's voice. Let's go!

Breath

I wish the air were always so breathable as it is tonight.

This was a day of peace.  I let my heart scream a little bit in the chapel today.  Worship has a soothing effect on the soul.

Mmmm.

My soul resonates with this song:

My heart keeps breaking.  For some reason, it takes me back to Uzhgorod in the Transcarpathian Mountains, where I saw broken children.

He had bruises from the fists of his angry and drunk teachers.

She was tossed into the snow by the older children because she was "retarded and didn't know what it meant anyway."

He had wet pants that froze in the cold because he wasn't potty trained at eight years old and he only had one pair of pants that kept falling down anyway because they were too big.

She held my arm and would not let go.

He smiled and sat on my lap.

She pleaded for love with her eyes.

And it was cold.

And I could hold their hands for a moment.

And my soul cries.

Weeping.

Loving People

I try to define myself as a lover of people.

I'm always learning and constantly tested.  I really despise some people.  It's totally the Holy Spirit working through me if I am able to deal with stupid people.  Thanks, God.  You're awesome.  Also, I'm a stupid people, too.  God, thanks for working through other people so that I have friends and partners in this crazy love adventure called life.  Love.

I'm learning this: if you want to be a good friend, don't say "I'll pray for you."  Gosh darn it.  Just pray for them right there.  If you're too busy to pray for someone, then you just lied because you probably won't pray for them anyway, you prideful liar.  (Judging you. Sorry.  Here, let me be honest.)  I suck at remembering to pray for people.  If I say I'll pray for you, I won't because I'm a jerk and have a heart filled with pride and I like the idea of people thinking I'm pious by telling them that I'll pray because it makes me look good, but I don't have to act on it, because--really?--who's going to find out?  So.

I'm going to start to just pray for people when they need it and when God tells me to.

Pride.  GAH.  I HATE IT.  Pride tastes like shit, and it fills hearts, and it is so nasty.  God, take away pride.

Okay.
Love.

The Bitterness Bug

The bitterness bug has bitten BG.

No joke.  So many people are bitter.  Let's pray away the spirit of bitterness and "judgmentalness," and ask for a spirit of love, forgiveness and understanding.

I cried in church today.  There was communion and the dude reminded us that we shouldn't take communion if you have something wrong in your heart, like against God or your brother, you know what I'm saying?  Yeah.

I did.  I was bitter.  I was proud.  I was bitter toward the dear brother beside me, so I wrote a note.

"I have been proud and living in a spirit of bitterness towards you.  Will you forgive me?"

Heartbreaking. 

Also, fruits of the Spirit, man.  Is your life bearing that holy, righteous fruit?  Mine isn't.  My wrinkly fruits are gross and moldy: bitterness--pride.  The "I'm better than you" fruit.  Fruit is to be delicious.  That stuff is just nasty.

God, renew me!  Bring a change in my heart.  Help me live Your love.  Purify my heart.

Love.

Gatlinburg, TN

This was unpublished.  Must have forgotten it.  I'll post it for the heck of it.  This was written in June 2011:

I haven't updated since the beginning weeks of my travels in Ukraine. But I am back now and on to a new adventure, albeit a family vacation. Presently I am in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, minutes away from the over commercialized Pigeon Forge and nested in the glorious, peaceful Smoky Mountains. The scenery is gorgeous and the company is swell. With hikes in the morning and relaxation in the evening, good cooking by all, and a comfy cabin, we are all enjoying our stay, and it's a good escape from cleaning hotel rooms.


[This was written during my good 'ol hotel housekeeper days, by the way.]

Alright, so, hello blog.  Thought I'd post something for a change. 

I was feeling down and mediocre.  Kind of not happy with life.  I'm not using complete sentences, but I don't care. 

I wrote this on the back of a handout the other day.  I guess I'm trying to inspire myself.  I hope you're inspired, too.

      Okay.  Be strong & courageous in God & His love.
      He has wonderful plans.
      Be dependent only on the Lord who gives you strength.
      You are going places--and He's going to take you places
        that you never would have gone in your own plans.
      Trust Him and grow.
      Stand tall, but be gentle.